One Eye Said to the Other
by Tomas the Betrayer
Summary: ... between you and me, something smells. Has anyone else noticed that guy's missing an eye? Even if you have, rest assured you'll be getting an earful about it.


"Now, heathen!" the One-Eyed Man snarled as he stalked towards the helpless Elder Maid with sword bared. "In the name of the Light Spirit whose virtue you have profaned, you will finally find justice on the point of my blade!"

Death at the hands of this madman seemed almost a certainty. Cowering with her Little Sister crouched fearfully behind her skirts, oddly enough, the helpless maid found herself thinking, _'Any second now, he's going to…'_

"May your wicked soul languish forever…" and he raised his bloodstained sword on high, "… _in the stygian darkness of my right eye!"_

And _there_ it is. This just has to be said, she decided.

"Excuse me."

The One-Eyed Man paused. Before him the filthy harlot had risen to her full height. Her face, only moments ago drained from fear and desperation, now held a look of such determination that it served to stay her justified doom.

"I would just like to say," the Elder Maid pronounced calmly and without a trace of uncertainty, "that in the two minutes we have known each other, you have mentioned your eye at least _six times!"_

A trace of confusion marred his brow. "What of it?"

"Well, unless I am mistaken, this is the first time we have ever met, correct?"

"Yes," he admitted warily, his single eye narrowed in obvious suspicion. Even the little child cringing at the harlot's back seemed uncertain of what was going on now that they were no longer faced with imminent execution.

"Well, then," the Elder Maid pointed a meaningful finger at the One-Eyed Man, an act which actually caused him to flinch and reach a hand up to touch his eyepatch on instinct. "I cannot be responsible for the loss of your eye, which would be the only valid reason I can think of for your continually bringing up the subject as though I have something to apologize for on that score. So why, then, do you _persist_ in pointing out that you are missing an eye, when any person blessed with even slightly untrammeled vision can already see for themselves that this is so!"

She crossed her arms and glared at him. The madman's jaw dropped at her impassioned outburst, and his pulse pounded in a vicious frenzy. How _dare _she make light of his disfigurement! "Enough of your mouth, witch! You are an abomination in the eyes of the Light Spirit, and therefore I…!"

"Hey mister, you want to hear a joke?" the Little Sister piped up unexpectedly, emboldened by her older sibling's defiance.

He blinked uncertainly. "Eh?" This interchange was not proceeding as he had anticipated. A faint itching was growing behind his eyepatch, and he had to resist the urge to scratch it.

The Elder Maid felt a fresh wave of terror as this murderer turned his sights (or rather, sight) on her only remaining family, and she put a restraining hand on that small shoulder. "Sister, please, do not interr…"

Taking his inaction for permission, the miniature maid prattled excitedly on. "Why did the slow-witted soldier only have one eye?"

_Oh, this is not good,_ the Elder Maid thought upon seeing the madman's lip twitch. Hurriedly she strove to prevent her sibling from finishing, but…

It was too late.

"Because he was told to _keep an eye out _for the enemy!"

Silence.

Time crept on its course for several uninterrupted seconds. Both adults now wore the exact same look of shocked incredulity. It was the woman who recovered first. "What are you _doing?" _she hissed, crouching down beside the little maid and grabbing her arms. "You mustn't ridicule this man or he'll…!"

"What?" her younger sister responded, wearing a distinctly unimpressed look. _"Not _kill us?" Those tiny shoulders then stiffened in defiance, and she met her loved one's eye without fear. "You didn't back down when that priest tried to get the people to hurt you. And our Mistress would be ashamed of us if we did now. It's like you said, we're not insects anymore! We're human! Even if we die, let's tell him what we really think!" She then turned to regard their would-be assassin. "This guy is even worse than that priest was! In fact, he's a real…" and here she grinned, "… _eyesore!" _

The One-Eyed Man's spine stiffened, and he began to quiver violently with his sword still upraised. "You… brat…!" he rasped. "My eye! How dare you… mock… my eye… wretched girl!"

The Elder Maid could hardly believe it herself. She was stunned to see someone so young standing up to a clearly armed and deranged adult. And yet at the same time, she could not help but feel proud of her little sister. She's right. Even death could not take away their hard-won freedom in this cold and ignorant world. Reverting back to the role of subservient peasants was far worse than dying. The only question now was whether she could turn their adversary's momentary distraction to their advantage long enough to allow her sibling to escape. If she could just draw him off they might still…

"Oh, was that mean? Thanks, you've really _opened my eyes!" _And the Little Maid clapped both hands over her mouth and spun away, shaking with suppressed laughter.

I think that's enough. The former-serf-turned-revolutionary drew herself upright once more and stepped between them, fixing her determined gaze upon the unhinged killer. His lone eye snapped to meet her like a wolf spotting its prey. She drew breath to speak…

The tiny tot burst from around her skirts. "I'd give my _right eye _to get away from you, crazy man!" She then covered her mouth and fought down another case of the giggles. The Elder Maid gaped down at her in surprise.

"_I… YOU…" _The One-Eyed Man seemed to have misplaced the capacity for coherent speech, so incensed was he now. His left eye looked to be bulging from his head, and veins were standing out on his neck, which was slowly turning purple. It was obvious he was losing whatever control he might have had. She should really put a stop to this before things got out of hand again.

"Hey, speak up! Don't just stand there _eyeing _us!" Now the Little Maid convulsed with restrained merriment, clutching her sides like she might burst. There were tears streaming down her cheeks.

In counterpoint foaming spittle drew parallel lines down the man's chin. "I… _I…!" _

There was almost something cruel about it now. Yet for some unexplained reason, the Elder Sister Maid simply couldn't step in and put a stop to this escapade. It was like she was just a spectator, although this in no way diminished her appreciation of their steadily growing peril.

Catching her breath, the valiant child rose up. "I'll bet your favorite food is _'eyes' cream!"_

The warrior could almost be seen vibrating from head to toe. Only choked snarls now emerged from between his audibly grinding teeth, and his left eye was flung wide. Upon observing his state, the outspoken waif appeared to calm down. And this registered upon his fracturing brain, enough at least to get a few legible words out.

"I… my eye… you… will… my EYE…!" The empty socket was burning feverishly now. He could once again feel the rats' hideous scampering feet on his skin while he lay in that prison cell. They scuttled up his face, their filthy teeth tearing and gouging, ripping and plucking, as they robbed him of his poor soft helpless eye! The One-Eyed Man drew a deep breath through his nostrils and then roared in a voice like thunder. "YOU… WILL… STOP!"

The echoes of his shout faded. The Little Maid blinked. Smoothing her skirts, she crossed both hands before her, and adopting the most pleasant and innocent of youthful smiles, she then said…

"_Aye-aye,_ sir."

The dam burst.

"_EEEEEYYYYEEEE!"_

The Elder Maid flinched and quickly reached down to grab tight hold of her sister, backing a few paces off. But there was nowhere to run in this deserted warehouse. Their attacker advanced, blade bared for the kill, and at seeing the naked horror once more descending over his victims' faces, he grinned wickedly and growled…

"Eye."

Both girls blinked.

_Huh?_

"Eye eye," the One-Eyed Man continued, apparently not noticing the altered mood. He clove the air a few times with his gore-stained weapon before leveling it up to point right between the older sister's eyes. "Eye… eye eye eye… eye _eye!"_

Clasped in each other's embrace, the two maids exchanged a bewildered look before turning to regard him again. "Ehhhh?" they both announced in unison.

At last the crazed killer picked up on there being something wrong with this situation. "Eye?" he asked a trifle uncertainly. Then, when they only gazed at him in perplexity, "_Eye? _Eye eye eye eye eye eye eye eye?"

The Little Maid slowly craned her head in without taking her eyes off him. "Does he not hear himself?"

"I don't think he can," her surprised sibling murmured, also not losing sight of the lunatic.

"Eye eye?" His puzzled visage turned between them. _"EYE?" _he demanded more loudly than before. "Eye eye eye!"

A slight giggle escaped the Little Maid's lips. "I think we broke him."

And with that, they both started laughing uncontrollably. In the face of death, even!

At seeing himself being so mocked by these vile creatures, the One-Eyed Man's vision went red. He could hear the rats scampering in, to claim his one good eye, the eye which allowed him to perceive the Light Spirit's world that these two mocked with their sacrilege. He would not stand for it! He would not submit! If anyone must fall into total darkness, then let it be them! Let the stygian shroud of death that covered his lost eye fall over both of theirs! He raised his sword once again to cast their souls into a world without light! The girls screamed in renewed horror. Repent! Sinners! Heretics! _Heathen swine! DIE!_

"_EYE!"_

There came a slight crunch, and everything in front of him appeared to jump slightly forward in his red-stained field of vision. A throbbing pain began in his temple only to swiftly subside. Reaching one hand back, the One-Eyed Man felt something odd protruding from the back of his skull, right before…

The lights went out.

The Elder Maid stared in shock. Without warning the man's remaining eye had just… launched itself from his head! Like it was trying to leap free of its confines! Now the orb just hung there before that vacated socket. But if she looked a little closer, it almost seemed as if…

Leaning over to one side a bit, she finally perceived the dagger buried practically up to the hilt in his brain. This also allowed her to see the person that had just stepped through the doorway wearing a relieved look.

"Well," the Apprentice Soldier declared while wiping one hand across his brow, "That was a close call."

"Sir Soldier!" she cried in delight. Her knees felt weak, otherwise she would have surely rushed forward to hug him. Instead their savior crossed the remaining distance, passing the still upright corpse of the madman to stand before his longtime companions. His eyes were closed as usual, but there was no hiding the grateful smile he wore as he scooped up the Little Maid, who screamed happily and wrapped her arms around his neck. With a shaky laugh the Elder Sister added her own embrace, relief at still being alive and well momentarily occupying all her thoughts.

When they drew apart at last, the Apprentice Soldier set his tiny burden down, and all three then turned to examine the eerie figure still standing a few paces off. The eye skewered on the tip of his dagger gleamed in the dim light.

_What a horrible man,_ the Elder Sister thought, and shuddered. "I'm glad that's over."

The Apprentice Soldier rubbed his bearded chin. "Yes. I guess you could say he got…" and here his lip quirked in a playful manner, "… an _eyeful."_

She winced. _Oh, no, please, not agai…_

"Yeah, yeah!" Little Sister shouted gaily. "You were great! That was really… _eye-popping!"_

_Oh, come ON!_

"Well, my teacher the Female Knight always said one mustn't have a _roving_ _eye!"_

"And you know, I always say…"

"ENOUGH!"

The surprised jokesters rounded on the Elder Maid, who regarded them with trembling ire. "I cannot believe you two!" she exclaimed crossly. "How can you be so cruel after all we've witnessed? Loathsome though he might have been, clearly this sad man was unhinged by the trauma done to him in the past. We should not scorn his suffering any more than he should have scorned us! Now I will hear no more tomfoolery from either of you, is that understood?"

Chagrined, the Little Sister hung her head. "I'm sorry, Big Sis. I guess you're right. We shouldn't make fun." She turned to the cooling corpse and gave a solemn bow. "Forgive me, Mr. Dead Man. Maybe if things had been different, we could have seen eye-to-eye."

Her Elder Sister nodded in satisfaction. "Yes, I agree we should all…"

She paused.

Slowly the older maid turned and directed a very unamused glare at her cheerfully smiling cohort.

"Oh, c'mon, sis," the kid drawled, twisting from one foot to another with her hands behind her head. "Don't be like that. Why don't you give it a try? It helps to laugh after all that crazy stuff!"

"Really?" She sounded doubtful. "You don't think it would be… inappropriate?"

"Not at all," the Apprentice Soldier declared resolutely. "In fact, I think you deserve the chance to let off a little steam."

And suddenly that made an awful lot of sense. "Ummm… all right. If you're really certain. Now, let me see…"

She thought for a moment. They both watched her with equal amounts of eagerness. Taking a deep breath, the Elder Maid shut her eyes and exclaimed in a rush, "It's a shame he believed so strongly in… an _eye for an eye!"_

Her words rang throughout the room before fading into echoes. Standing there a little uncomfortably, she cracked a lid open and looked somewhat nervously between them.

The Soldier and the Little Maid were staring at her. She felt her cheeks start to go red from embarrassment. Then, just as she was about to hurriedly explain herself, they both erupted into laughter. Slapping their thighs, doubling over and clutching their stomachs, the two howled until tears flowed down their faces. And after what seemed like hours of anxiety, the Elder Maid finally relaxed.

"All right," the Apprentice Soldier managed after he had caught his breath. "That's taken care of. Time to cut off his head."

_Wait, what?_

She tried to speak as he stepped in front of the dead man and drew his sword. _Hold on, just wait one second, now see here…!_

"I get his eyeball!" her sister proclaimed while jumping up and down in excitement.

The Elder Maid had just enough time to grab the eager tyke and spin them both facing away before the blade cleared the neck. But she still _heard _the severed head strike the floor. _Ew, gross!_

"All done. Say, can one of you get me a spear to stick it on?"

"HEY!" the Little Maid shouted. "That rat's stealing my eyeball! Chase it!"

They both proceeded to do so, while the Elder Maid went hunting for a quiet corner to throw up in.

_**FIN.**_


End file.
